#Satire | A Bevy of Gatvol Passengers Attack Low-Cost Airline. Yikes!

Flysafair reaches crisis mode as third passenger in a week goes on a tirade.

“No charging of electronic devices is allowed, not are allowed,” charged a passenger aboard a Jozi-bound Flysafair flight on Thursday afternoon.

“What’s wrong with you people, can’t even get basic grammar rules right! You’re no different to all these other print publications. Jesus, Mother of Gawd! Blood of the crips,” he continued, unaware of the faux pas he himself had just committed.

This came after the passenger, whose identity we cannot reveal for fear of reprisal on the socials, noticed a grammatical error while listening to the airplane’s automated in-flight safety announcements. Further investigations revealed that the tirade was triggered by a fault at the very end of the otherwise perfectly-worded script.

Security is said to have been called immediately, leading to the passenger challenging each one of the 12 officers to a physical fight, “but only after I buy and finish 12 pints of larger by meself,” he is heard shouting over a voicenote recording, currently trending on social media under the hashtag #FlySafairAintShit.

The source of the recording is unknown, but what we can reveal is that the whomever dispensed it seems to have pressed record when the majority of the action had already taken place.

This incident comes during a week that started with YouTube superstar and make-up babe Mihlali underscore N* pulled up on another Flysafair flight with her mates. According to receipts provided by blue-tick Twitter, miss underscore N had been spotted carrying a six pack of Savanna dry on-board with six mates trailing behind her. When one flight attendant, a white woman named Pinkie Assomblief, stepped forth to query the behaviour, and to tip the regional influencer on liquor smuggling etiquette familiar to zonke izinja ze game, miss underscore N apparently pulled out the race card.

“Waitsi di-raciste le ya khenya mos. Cheri e ke yo a mpitsa bari yanong. Basadi ba makgowa ke ditlaela tsa mafelelo!” read a part of a six page-long missive she posted to her army of supporters on Instagram.

A flurry of support, 2000-comments deep, followed.

Ms. Assomblief, on the other hand, had to face ridicule on the icy streets of black Twirra.

The distraught, 23-year old heir to a billion-plus rand empire sought out legal representation before sending out a press release that has now been circulated to leading publications worldwide.

“It’s so unfair. I had no idea that giving a friendly tip to someone would turn out this ugly. On top of that, I was called names like racist. I’m not racist. Sea-Poo, my black boyfriend, can attest to this. Like, I’m so hurt. I’m lodging a complaint with the highest court in this country, but only after I consult with my therapist next week. This whole charade has thrown my entire life into disarray. Now I understand fully what my fellow black sisters experience daily, and urge them to keep fighting the good fight against injustice. M-bokodo, queenz,” went the missive.

As if that wasn’t enough, a third Flysafair passenger had a complete meltdown after an air control officer wouldn’t let him through the gates after boarding time had elapsed.

“I was only an hour late. Couldn’t they have like, made an exception for a real thug such as myself,” he later said in an exclusive, teary-eyed Instagram TV interview with a leading blogger and social media trends expert.

Attempts to seek comment from Flysafair management were thwarted after the flight’s spokesperson, Jackie Swart Gevaar, failed to deliver on her promise to “send a response via text ASAP.”

We’ll keep you updated as the story develops.

* Mihlali’s agents contacted us to correct the name, which we’d previously reported as Mihlali Ndamase.

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