#Satire | Rappers Against Racism

The amount of racial hatred parated by Whiteness on-line has attracted condemnation from the least likely of quarters in society.

In what can only be labelled as an unprecedented move, South African rappers have come all-out, guns ablaze, to offer hottakes against ‘this utterly harmful scourge’, as one publicist put it.

Hair dyed blonde in celebration of his idol Frank Ocean’s sophomore album turning two years old, leading alcohol peddlar, auto-tune expert and part-time rapper AKA was unflinching in his stance.

“Nothing is going to kill this racism thingiemabob faster than interracial sex,” said the artist renowned for his frequent outbursts targeted at everyone from admiring fans to festival organizers.

AKA went on to detail his first-hand experiences with being racially profiled, and how his culturally diverse groin was helpful in deading that shit during that testing period as one of the them at a Saint’s something school that is currently embattled in a case involving swimming practice, a white man, and paedophilia.

“Racism is wack my boi, end of” he said in-between deep drags from a pale-looking ciggie while on a break during the videoshoot of his latest hit song “Fela in Versace.”

“How I see it, this joint is ultimately about promoting racial harmony. Fela Gucci, as everyone will know, is a liberator and black Afrikanist. Versace, on the other hand, is white. Or Italian, not really sure. But peep game, my manz Gucc’ be rockin that, ya feel me?! What does it tell you,” he charged at no one in particular.

He then took another drag, dramatically threw the ciggie away, and jetted off while this lowly scribe scrambled for a pen to jot down notes.

“I ain’t got the answers,” he mumbled while getting in character for the next scene.

A usually reserved Nasty C broke his silence during a rare interview at a high-end New York radio station famous for giving extensive interviews that have in the past sought to humanize rapists and woman haters.

“I never experienced racism. Me, personally,” he paused; “nah,” he spurted.

He went on to embarrass himself: “I went to a mixed race school y’nahmsayin’?! Very open-minded individuals. The best kind. We don’t give a fuck about colour fam, Tata’s Rainbow Nation lives. Amandla!”

Writer Sabelo Mkhabela’s considered and informed rebuttal on the colonist enclave Okayafrica followed.

However, the “Hell Naw” hitmaker ignored the words of wisdom, seemingly, and has instead offered an alternative framing – or is it ‘expanding the thought’ – on his new album entitled Strings and Bling.

“My white friends let me touch their sisters, I ain’t got no time to be racist,” he spits on one song.

The mic was reported to have malfunctioned immediately after he rapped that line, though there’s no Instagram story to verify the claim.

Not to be outdone, the self-proclaimed humblest man alive Cassper Nyovest responded to questions via his chief of communications.

“Just listen to my verse on Ngud bra ya ka. I’m overseas right now. I actually missed a photo-op with Chris. My new album’s coming fine but eish, ke stresse mei broer,” came the rather confusing response.

Meanwhile, the courts postponed his on-going case with Jozi-based prince of High Fashion Didi Monster to December, after the rapper’s appearance at the dubiously organised Global Citizen concert.

His own #FillUp performance is embroiled in controversy, with the eThekwini municipality denying knowledge of its existence.

The president of the ruling party, of which AKA is a known and faithful supporter, promised to launch a full inquiry into this latest ‘allegations’ about unprovoked, increasingly racial retorts leaking their undesirable content on-line.

Stay tuned for developments on this story and others.

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